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Tay’s Day

February 8, 2008 – 9:06 pm

 Today was Tay’s day.  Every year for the kids’ birthdays, I let them play hooky and take them out to lunch and a movie. Tay’s B day was actually yesterday, but she wanted to go to school and be the star attraction, so we did our thing today instead.  We had to do breakfast and an early movie instead of lunch because K had a 3:45 Drs appointment. We went to IHOP, Target and then to “Fool’s Gold”. The movie was surprisingly good.  I expected a silly romantic comedy, like “How to Lose a Guy” but it actually had a lot of action and decent story.  It was a lot like “Sahara.”

The day just flew by, but it was all wonderful.  I can’t believe she’s 15!  I know they’ll be gone in a few years, off to college and living their own lives, but I just can’t imagine my life without them.  Of course, they’ll always be in my life, but I’m going to miss seeing them everyday, hanging out, going to the movies or just running to the grocery store.  I’d like to think we’ll still see each other all the time, but then I look at me and my mom.  I consider us close, but I don’t see her, or even talk to her, everyday.  I feel really bad about that, but there is just so much going on all the time.

I’m going to make more time in my life to reconnect with my mom, because I am an example for my kids.  

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Self Reliance

February 8, 2008 – 8:54 pm

I am so angry and I know that I have the choice of letting it go or holding on to it.   I feel too stressed trying to accomplish too much and it’s not filling my spirit, but depleting it.  Now that we’ve taken on the added commitment to Create a Blog, Peoplefuel and Membership Sites, I feel very overwhelmed.  I need to know what my role is and to have specific direction to add value.  

I can’t work fast enough or long enough or hard enough to cover all the bases. While I’m totally on board with his intention; I am not ok with the affect A’s focus is having on our family or our relationship.  I’m angry that A isn’t contributing to our family life.   In his mind, he is working incredibly hard to make a future for us, but in my mind, he is neglecting his responsibilities.  The fact that we talked about it and he knows my feelings just makes it worse.  He totally disregarded what I said and continued to do what he wanted.  He spends 16 hours a day on the computer when he’s not at work.  In the meantime there’s so much that needs to be done around the house and I can’t write, help with the web sites and pick up the slack around the house.  I need to make choices and stick too them, rather than being angry, which means reprioritizing my time.

1.  Spend time with my family

2.  Take care of my health, exercise, my diet and my personal appearance

3.  Simplify - I need to get rid of all the clutter in our house and in my mind. That includes taking care of the issues I’ve repeatedly asked A to take care of. 

4.  Hire help - If A wasn’t here, what would I do?  I would be self reliant and if I couldn’t get something done, I’d hire someone else to do it.

5.  Write my book - I write everyday, and starting tomorrow, I will devote most of that time to my books. 

6.  After my writing, my priority is Fictionway because I can use it to promote my writing and sell my books; PeopleFuel and then Icebarrel.  

I know that every difficult situation in life is meant to be a learning experience for my soul.  I think the reason I’m struggling right now is because I’m meant to learn self reliance.  I need to take care of things myself and know that I can be fine on my own.  If he wasn’t in my life, I’d have no choice but to get things done for myself and so that is what I’m going to do now.  I just need to figure out how to let go of my resentment over it.

Lisa Hood | Random Thoughts | Comments (0)

My Wish List

January 31, 2008 – 12:46 pm

I just posted an article on PeopleFuel about creating a wish list.  It’s a good idea to spend time thinking about what really motivates you, so you know WHY your goals are important.  Of course you may find that your goals really have nothing to do with what you want in life, but are a response to what others want.  It’s ok that we all want different things in life. There is no right or wrong answer.  My suggestion is to write a letter to Santa.  I’m going to take my own advice and write a letter to Santa, giving up all guilt, doubt, fear or judgment.  I’m going to believe in magic to create my list, but I know it will take action to create my results.  That will come later.

Dear Santa,

  

I want a warm, comfortable, inviting home.  It needs to have six bedrooms: a master bedroom, a room for each Kels & Tay, an office for each A & I and a guest room.  The master bedroom & kid’s rooms should also have a full bath.  The master bathroom will have a garden tub with Jacuzzi. The kitchen will be light, spacious with tons of storage space and full of modern appliances. We’ll have a theater room, a game room and a formal living room.  All our furniture will be oversized, puffy, comfortable and beautiful.  I want the house to be in excellent repair, new carpet, tile floors, fixtures, paint, doors and windows.  I want our home to be on at least 5 acres of land, in the country but in an excellent community of friendly, welcoming, family people.  Our land will have a grassy yard and be surrounded by trees and mountains.

I want to work full time writing, from home, in my own office.  I want to share my work with others, to be valued and to contribute.  I want to earn a steady, lucrative income that allows me to live in my lovely home, drive a new SUV, provide for my family and also enjoy events and traveling.  I will work 5-6 hours, 4-5 days a week at my convenience.  My work will be flexible so I can take time to travel and I will continue to earn income even if I’m away for an extended period of time.  

I want to be healthy and energetic, to look forward to every day when I wake up. I want to be fit, trim, vibrant and beautiful.  My hair is cut in a medium length bob, my skin is flawless, my wardrobe is stylish and comfortable.  I wear slacks and button down tops most days, with comfortable flats and minimal jewelry.  I’m confident and professional, so when I do events to promote myself, I feel totally secure.  

I want to be a bestselling author.

I want to be confident and beautiful.

I want to have financial security.

I want to be close to my family.

I want to dress for style and comfortable.

I want to have close friendships.

I want to draw and paint.

Thanks Santa,

Lisa

Lisa Hood | Random Thoughts | Comments (0)

Accidents Happen

January 28, 2008 – 10:28 am

 We’ve all been sick, alternating between Tay, Kels and now me.  I dread Alan getting sick, because his mood is unbearable. I’m sure we’re all that way, but the girls and I usually retreat to our own corners.  I took Tay to the Dr because she had a fever for three days and I was worried about Strep. She didn’t have strep, that was the good news.  But on the way out of the office a woman asked if I had a white car, because it was hit in the parking lot.  That was the bad news.   My car had been hit on the driver’s front fender and pushed into the car next to me. It was basically wedged between two cars with the hood bent in the middle, the bumper and both fenders crushed.  We called the police, but they refused to respond because the accident happened on private property, so we just exchanged insurance info. Tay was amazed that I didn’t freak out.  I was just happy that neither of us was hurt; heck, we weren’t even in the car when it was hit.  

This is the second, multiple car accident I’ve had in my life and I wasn’t in the car either time.  I consider myself extremely lucky, because accidents happen and the odds of being in one increases over time.  When my number comes up,  I’m happy if there are no injuries.  Other than my poor car which had $4500 worth of damage - everything on the front end had to be replaced.  I’ve been driving a rental while my car is repaired.  Other than a little inconvenience, everything has worked out fine.

Tay and I went to the movies with mom on Saturday. We saw Untraceable, which wasn’t great.  I could take the graphic violence if the story was worthwhile, but it seemed like such a contradiction. The movie preaches against the public consumption of violence and then it serves it up in heaping platefuls.  I did like Diane Lane’s performance. She just seems like a “real” person and completely believable. 

I’ve spent my free time writing and haven’t seen mom in 2 wks, which is completely unacceptable.  I can not sacrifice relationships and close myself up even more.  I struggle against my inclination to withdraw when I’m unhappy.  I have been unhappy lately and I want to make it Alan’s fault, but I know that’s a cop out.  I’m completely overwhelmed with my responsibilities and rather than managing my stress, I want him to take care of it. I tried to talk to him about it and he said he’d start helping out around the house, but he hasn’t done anything yet.  It makes me angry, but I know I need to step up and take care of myself.   Even though I feel like I should be able to rely on him, I can only rely on myself.  I think that’s what is upsetting me the most.    I feel alone.

Rather than wallowing in self pity or being a martyr any longer, I’m going to start taking care of things.    I think that will boost my confidence and eliminate some stress.  That is what I need to focus on.  Once I quit allowing myself to be a victim, I think I’ll feel better physically and mentally.

Lisa Hood | What's up? | Comments (0)

New Year - 2008

January 8, 2008 – 2:01 pm

So far the New Year is off to a good start.  K has been doing especially well lately. In don’t know if it’s the medication or just determination but her attitude has done a 180.  I’m sure some of it is just growing up. T is in that tough time right now. She is easily annoyed or her feelings get hurt, but she’ll withdraw where K exploded.  I’m more like T; I just want to be left alone to get over it rather than a big confrontation. So her turbulent teens aren’t nearly has difficult.

A has been working hard on the sites, making the most of his vacation time. Things have felt strained with him lately, but it may be me. Although I think he is under so much pressure to produce, it may be getting to him. He’s only anxious to start making decent money so he can quit working at V. The hours and bureaucracy are outrageous. Now we know why they have an 80% churn. 

I’ve been feeling stressed about sites too, which is stupid, because they’re supposed to fun. If they’re fun then I’ll keep doing it. But I tend to make things a “chore” rather than something enjoyable.  I have all these goals; to write multiple articles a day, to build links coming into the site, to write my book, go to school, work, home…oh my God, no wonder I’m stressed out.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that having goals; short term and long term, are necessary. I just think I over it do it sometimes. I try to do too much and then I get burnt out. I really don’t want that to happen because I love to write. I don’t want to extinguish that flame. Not only that, but I enjoy what I’m writing about: inspirational and motivational topics, TV, celebrity gossip, books, movies, and writing itself. I just need to find the happy medium between accomplishment and enjoyment.   

I don’t have a real clear vision of where my writing is taking me.  I have absolute faith that A will get his sites to a point of generating revenue, but what will my writing generate?  I dreamed of hitting it big as a novelist, when I wrote Betrayal and Revenge, but that was 12 years ago.  OMG!  I can’t believe the time has gone by so fast.   My dream has faded quite a bit since then. I’m not nearly as naïve and I know I can’t rely on a one in a million shot at wealth and fame. I have to rely on a PLAN, daily steps to get from point A to point B.  I just don’t know what point B is.

K actually got me inspired to start a new project. I’m going to work on a YA novel “Slipping Sideways” and a semi autobiographical book, I’m thinking of “The Somewhat True Writings of a Wannabe”.  I need to keep Fictionway & Icebarrel going strong, but I’m not going to do the WP stuff anymore.  It’s just too much.

Next week I start school. I’m only taking one class this semester: Accounting - so I only have two to go!  After 10 years - finally I’m going to have a college degree. I should be able to get it done by the end of the year, depending on the course schedule. We’ll see.

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Christmas 2007

January 7, 2008 – 8:07 am

The holidays are officially over and I’m back to work.  My time off went too fast and I didn’t get nearly enough accomplished. I did get plenty of rest and spent time with the kids, doing our usual Christmas shopping day.  K already spent most of her money, so she and I went to the movies and lunch, with just a quick run to the mall.  T wanted to spend more time at the mall, but I wasn’t in the mood, so I cut the day short.  I’m sure she was disappointed, but she did get the boots she had her eye one, so that was good.

We had our usual holiday gathering, with Christmas Eve at Mom’s and then Christmas Day at Berta’s.  It was nice, but without little kids around, it’s just not the same.  I remember when K & T were little and so jazzed about Santa they would wake us up at 4 am.  No more.  They still expect Santa to come, but they sleep in.  They don’t even put out cookies or reindeer treats.   All those little traditions are what makes the holidays so special.  I don’t know if it was school and work and blogging or just general Ba-hum-bug-ness, but I wasn’t prepared for the holidays this year.  I did most of my shopping on line, only put up a small tree 3 days before and baked with the kids and one friend. That was it.

Hopefully next year I’ll be more in the Christmas spirit.  Alan told me he wants to shop with me because he doesn’t like feeling left out - which I totally appreciate, because finding just the right gift is the most fun. Maybe if he is more involved, I’ll feel more motivated too.

While I was off, I realized that if I’m ever going to work from home full time, I need to set up a space and routine for myself now. I need to be able to visualize myself working from home in a clean, non cluttered, light filled space that energizes and inspires me.  That’s one of my goals for the New Year, to make room for that possibility.   But more importantly, I want Alan to be working from home full time in 2008.  He is well on his way and I can definitely see that as a possibility.

Although I think he needs a better space to work in too.  

We had a family meeting and all of us agree we need to see more of him, so he’ll us the laptop and come out of the office in the evening, but still work.  I also want to clean out the second desk in the office and put in a couch, so when he is in there working, there will be space for T, K or me.  Plus I think he should invest in a flat screen monitor, because it will clean up his workspace and be easier on the eyes.  My January project is to redecorate his office and create a more enjoyable space for all of us.

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Bike with a Basket

December 17, 2007 – 10:36 am

To test the theory of the Secret, that our thoughts become reality through the power of attraction: I thought of an unusual item and then waited for it to appear in my life.The first thing I thought of was a Raggedy Ann doll.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I’d seen one so the chances of it appearing were pretty slim. I visualized the doll, her yarn hair, white apron, striped socks, pulling in as much detail as I could remember.  For the next few days, whenever I remembered, I would picture her and await her appearance.  About a week and half passed before I saw an ad in a catalog for Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls.  She was exactly how I imagined her.

I was so excited, I told Tayler and we decided to look for a little girl’s bicycle, complete with a basket and streamers.  This was a very specific image and not so common that you see one everyday.  It took two weeks before I saw the bike, exactly how I visualized it, on a television show. I called Tayler in to prove I spotted the bike, so she actually saw it too. 

Now I’m looking for skywriter.  I can see a red biplane, looping in the sky, creating letters with puffs of smoke. I can’t see the message, but I think it has the word Luck in it.  Now I just need to sit back and wait for my mind to attract this into my life.  

I absolutely do believe in the power of attraction, because I think we all possess a bit of God in our souls. We are God like in our ability to create a reality which enables our soul to grow.  Every experience is a lesson which we carry through many lifetimes.  Whatever we need to learn in this lifetime we will manifest the circumstances to achieve enlightenment. If we fail to learn, the circumstances will continue to appear until we get it. Once we learn the lesson, whatever we have struggled against, will vanish. 

Whenever I find myself completely frustrated or overwhelmed in a situation I ask myself “What am I meant to learn from this?”  I don’t always have the answer, but sometimes I do.  Sometimes I can let go of the frustration when I accept the lesson.  

For example, this holiday season has been a bummer. Christmas is coming up so fast, I feel like I’m missing all of the traditions that usually ring in the festivities.  We haven’t even put up the tree or decorations yet.  Rather than mope about it, I can take the opportunity to say “What am I meant to learn from this?” 

That the holidays are joyful because of the time spent together, not the time spent preparing or trying to make everything perfect.

Time will run out if I don’t plan ahead, so I should be selective about my activities and save the traditions I love the most and let go of others.  If there aren’t traditions I love, I can make new ones.

Once I learn the lesson, to give up the need for perfection or willingness to let go, then my frustration will disappear and I’ll be at peace.

Once I’m at peace, I’m not longer looking for all the ways I’m lacking.  I believe that is the ultimate lesson of the Secret. Whatever you are looking for, you will find. Whether that’s because of the power of attraction or just the power of attention, it seems to be true.  

Lisa Hood | Random Thoughts | Comments (0)

Uninvited Guests

December 17, 2007 – 8:41 am

Bad habits are like uninvited guests.  They arrive without warning, create chaos and dissatisfaction in our lives and linger far too long. The problem could be easily solved if we never let them in the front door. That’s easier said then done though.  Usually they stand on our porch baring gifts. We may be fooled into thinking they are actually welcomed or we may think their stay is only temporary.

It’s Christmas time, which means the yearly tradition of eating until I’m ready to pop: all those treats like homemade cookies and candies that we don’t have day to day.  I think I’ll just binge through the holiday season and get back on track the first of the year.  Instead, January, February, March go by and I’m still overeating.  The habit I invited into my life has kicked up its feet and taken over the remote.  

This year, instead of worrying about how I’m going to rid myself of this pesky intruder, I’m going to close the door in its face. I will act as though I’m a thin person and food is not the center of my existence.  The holidays are about being with my family, enjoying their company and realizing how blessed we are.  Christmas is not about gifts or food, even though our family traditions seem to revolve around both. 

Speaking of gifts, another bad habit I’ve allowed into my life is the habit of consumerism.  I’ve let myself get sucked into the mind set that buying this particular item or brand will make me happy.  I don’t NEED anything.  I’m truly blessed that I’m able to provide food, shelter, clothing and medical care to my family.  But I WANT so much.  Sometimes I feel as though I don’t have the right to WANT anything because it seems as though I’m ungrateful for what I do have.  And I certainly don’t need to add more clutter to my life or try to fill some void with stuff.  

I want to clear out all the clutter that weighs me down. I have so much stuff collecting in closets, cabinets, storage sheds and the garage, I don’t even know where things are any more.  It’s amazing too because I’ve purged car loads of junk in the last year.  I guess I just keep bringing in more and more to replace it.  This habit of buying stuff to fill space, in my home or in my soul, needs to go.  There isn’t room for it, much less any more junk in my life.

The most destructive habit I have though is the habit of withdrawing.  I go into my room, shut the door, and shut down emotionally.  I hate that I do this, but I feel such a sense of relief when it’s the end of the day and I know I can just go home and veg.  Of course with the kids, the only way I can veg is to disengage from them. That’s why I just shut myself off.  I need to fix my life, not hide from it.  

There are things that have made me really unhappy the last few years and my life really isn’t what I hoped it would be.  In particular the conflict at home is depressing.  I think I’ve done my absolute best to provide a good home for my children, but I don’t feel it is a happy home.  Alan’s relationship with Kelsey has been strained for years and now that Tay is becoming a “teenager” there’s stress there too.  I know he doesn’t like it anymore than I do, so he withdraws from the situation as well.  Some days it’s just easier to avoid them altogether than to bicker or fight.  The real problem though is the more Alan and I pull away from our children, the more difficult and unhappy they become.  

We both need to kick this habit to the curb, because we only have a few years left with our kids.  The relationships we build now are the ones that will carry us through their transition to adulthood. Our bonds need to be strong or we could lose them forever. That would be the greatest tragedy for me. We talked about it last night and decided to start family meetings again. We’ve done this sporadically over the years, but like most of our great ideas, we never had any consistency. Hopefully, now that we’re all older and wiser, we can do a better job.

Lisa Hood | Random Thoughts | Comments (0)

Pursuit of Happiness

December 5, 2007 – 2:46 pm

We all just want to be happy.  Unfortunately, most of us don’t know what would make us happy: we’ll spend half our lives chasing materialistic rewards or social ranking only to be dissatisfied once obtained.  Find out what makes you happy and don’t be tempted by what others tell you “should” make you happy. Marketers are especially good at this.  I heard on an infomercial this morning that purchasing this product “Could be the start of a brand new you.” The product was makeup.  How many people picked up the phone thinking “This is it!  I’m going to buy some blush and my life is going to turn around. “  I wish!  

But it’s really no different then thinking I’m going to buy a new car, outfit, house, whatever “it” is, and my life will be better.  I marvel at all the “stuff” for sell, whether it’s blow up characters for the front lawn, clothes for the dog, gadgets, gizmos and gaudy junk.  Merchandisers just suck the money right out of our pockets with the latest “thing” we just have to have.  Why do we have to have it? 

Because our neighbor has three enormous blow up characters in their yard? 

Because the guy down the street is driving it? 

Because a celebrity wore it on the red carpet? 

No. 

We want to be a happy, and everything we desire, we crave because we think it will bring us happiness.

This doesn’t just apply to materialistic wants.  The same is true when we want to be thin, in a relationship, promoted, famous, attractive or powerful.  The expectation is that any of these will accomplishments will lead us to the ultimate reward: Happiness.

So what makes me happy?  Truly, purely happy.

  1. Hanging out with my family, talking, laughing - just being together.
  2. Reading a great book
  3. Watching a funny or romantic movie
  4. Seeing a baby smile and coo
  5. Snuggling on the couch with a fire
  6. Sitting on a patio swing at the cabin
  7. Spending time at the lake, boating, fishing or just lazing around
  8. Feeling appreciated
  9. Roller Coasters, especially when you get splashed
  10. Feeling beautiful
  11. Feeling proud and satisfied with something I’ve done
  12. Letting down my guard and playing, without worrying about how I look.
  13. Being spiritual

Obviously, driving to work in the most expensive car, working 80 hours a week to earn gobs of money or  living in the biggest house, isn’t my definition of happiness.  To me, the ideal is staying home, with my family, relaxed and safe, where I can read, watch movies and accomplish something I’m proud of.  I need to be in a space where I can sit and enjoy fresh air, spend time in nature, near water and God and I have to incorporate fun into my life.

Lisa Hood | Random Thoughts | Comments (0)

The Number I Hate

December 5, 2007 – 12:46 pm

I gave away my scale. I don’t need, don’t want it.  Because weight is a number I just don’t need to know. In fact it’s a number I have hated, but endured my whole life.  I’ve alternated between checking this number 5 times a day and avoiding it for months at a time.  Whenever I’ve avoided it, I’ve suffered terrible guilt.  As though I could be stopped on the street and interrogated at any moment. Of course I could always provide my driver’s license which is at times 10 lbs shy of my actual weight to 40 lbs shy.  I wonder if I was pulled over and had to present my id, would the officer tell me, “Well, ma’am, this picture looks like you, but this weight…Um, I don’t think so.  And  5′7″?  In your dreams.”  Next time I’m at the MVD and they ask me my weight, I won’t quickly calculate in my head how fat I look versus how fat I am, and what number I think I can reasonable squeeze by this nearsighted bureaucrat.  Instead, I’ll answer honestly: I have no idea. 

Rather than tracking pounds like pesky gnats swarming around my head, I’m going to judge myself according to brand new criteria,

1.  How many miles / minutes I can walk

2.  How many days I’ve felt well and happy to be alive

3.  How many moments I’ve spent with my loved ones

4.  How many words I’ve written

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying to hell with managing my health. I’m just saying that my health does not equate to a number on a scale (which I don’t even own any more, so there!).  I’ll have goals in 2008 related to improving my health, but they won’t be to lose X lbs, or weigh a certain amount.  Instead, I will walk; I will spend time with my family; I will eat nutritious foods; and I will enjoy my life.  And I’ll do it all without knowing THAT number. 

Lisa Hood | Weight Stuff | Comments (0)