Lisa Hood

This morning K & I had a conversation about happiness. Actually, it was less a conversation, more an argument. K is an unhappy person and at times, she’s an angry person. Most of the time I’m sympathetic to her angst, but some days I lose my patience. Today was one of those days.  I was a bit tough on her, but eventually I got around to asking her what would make her “happy”.  She answered “I have no idea.”

If you don’t know what happiness looks like, how will you recognize it when it arrives?  I suggested she define the things she would have, feel or believe if she were happy. Once again, she had no idea where to begin.  She is intimately familiar with unhappiness though, so she can begin there and once defined, consider the opposite.  

I decided to take my own advice…

I am Happy because….

I am grateful for the people and blessing in my life.

            How do I define this?

                        - I don’t dwell on negative aspects of life

                        - I am able to manage unexpected events with little stress and an optimistic attitude

                        - I focus on what is going well

                        - I live in the present

I accept myself and others as they are, and not as I wish them to be.

            How do I define this?

                        - I forgive my mistakes and the mistakes of others

                        - I speak up when I’m calm and shut up when I’m angry

                        - I don’t hold grudges or regrets

                        - I look for the good and try to understand the bad

                        - I don’t participate in negative behaviors with others (i.e.: blame, name calling or anger)

                        - I respect myself and set boundaries for how others treat me

                        - I don’t hold others to standards higher than I hold myself

                        - I don’t blame others for my actions or my feelings 

                        - I give people the benefit of the doubt

                        - I try to see things from another point of view before arguing my point of view (it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong)

I am healthy

            How do I define this?

                        - I make smart choices for my body and mind

                        - I participate in physical activities

                        - I have energy to accomplish my goals

                        - I do feel well most days and I’m able to recover quickly from illness

My opinion matters to people that matter to me  

            How do I define this?

                        - My opinion isn’t disregarded, though others may disagree with me, they will first hear me out 

                        - I’m not insulted, ridiculed or demeaned for my opinion

                        - If I tell people that something bothers me, they will respect my feelings. Even if they don’t understand why.  If I do something that bothers others and I know it, I will do my best to change my behavior accordingly.

                        - I listen with an open mind. I’m not defensive nor do I make others defensive when expressing opposing views.

                        - I feel like it is safe for me to talk about my feelings.