Lisa Hood

May was a rough month for me.  I haven’t felt inspired to write and when I don’t write I beat myself up. Perfectionism holds me back.  When I think of others reading my work and judging it, my creativity is blocked.  I struggle to regain my balance.   I did discover a list of questions regarding limiting beliefs, which may help me get on track faster in the future.
1. What are you unhappy about?

I am unhappy with my physical well being. I lack energy and drive.

I am also unhappy with my tendency to not follow through on my goals. I have high expectations for myself but I’m not accountable for taking action. 
2. Why are you unhappy about that?

I’m unhappy because I don’t keep my word to myself and I want to live with integrity.  I also want to achieve something concrete and lasting in my life. I truly believe I was given talent but I’ve failed to nurture my abilities.  Not just in writing but in art too. I’ve always loved to draw and create, but I don’t dedicate any time to it.  It feels as though I’m not living my purpose.  Physically I want to have more energy so I can achieve more. I don’t equate the mental effort I put forward every day with physical energy. 
 
3. What are you concerned would happen if you were not unhappy about that?

If I wasn’t unhappy about not performing to high expectations I would be accepting of the status quo. I would stop striving and settle for less than I’m capable of.  If I followed through I might be disappointed with the results.  Wanting to be a writer and having the dream just grazing my fingertips keeps it alive. If I grasp it and find I’m unable to write the way I want to, the dream will be lost. 
4. Do you believe that?

Yes.  I do believe that I’m afraid of taking action and then failing.  By not taking action I can tell myself “someday” I’ll write the way I want to. This is the same with my art. I never felt like I was good enough to be a professional artist, so I just quit working on it. I use my energy for endeavors other than my writing.  It’s not that I don’t have enough energy it’s how I choose to use it.  
 
5. Why do you believe that?

Because I want to be a good writer, maybe not great but good, if I don’t live up to that standard I just won’t try. This is my pattern.  I imagine doing better, I plan for it some day, but if I don’t try - I don’t fail.
Thinking about writing takes as much time and energy as actually writing.  In June I’m going to dedicate myself to getting more words on paper.  I feel calmer and centered when I’m writing.