Lisa Hood

 We’ve all been sick, alternating between Tay, Kels and now me.  I dread Alan getting sick, because his mood is unbearable. I’m sure we’re all that way, but the girls and I usually retreat to our own corners.  I took Tay to the Dr because she had a fever for three days and I was worried about Strep. She didn’t have strep, that was the good news.  But on the way out of the office a woman asked if I had a white car, because it was hit in the parking lot.  That was the bad news.   My car had been hit on the driver’s front fender and pushed into the car next to me. It was basically wedged between two cars with the hood bent in the middle, the bumper and both fenders crushed.  We called the police, but they refused to respond because the accident happened on private property, so we just exchanged insurance info. Tay was amazed that I didn’t freak out.  I was just happy that neither of us was hurt; heck, we weren’t even in the car when it was hit.  

This is the second, multiple car accident I’ve had in my life and I wasn’t in the car either time.  I consider myself extremely lucky, because accidents happen and the odds of being in one increases over time.  When my number comes up,  I’m happy if there are no injuries.  Other than my poor car which had $4500 worth of damage - everything on the front end had to be replaced.  I’ve been driving a rental while my car is repaired.  Other than a little inconvenience, everything has worked out fine.

Tay and I went to the movies with mom on Saturday. We saw Untraceable, which wasn’t great.  I could take the graphic violence if the story was worthwhile, but it seemed like such a contradiction. The movie preaches against the public consumption of violence and then it serves it up in heaping platefuls.  I did like Diane Lane’s performance. She just seems like a “real” person and completely believable. 

I’ve spent my free time writing and haven’t seen mom in 2 wks, which is completely unacceptable.  I can not sacrifice relationships and close myself up even more.  I struggle against my inclination to withdraw when I’m unhappy.  I have been unhappy lately and I want to make it Alan’s fault, but I know that’s a cop out.  I’m completely overwhelmed with my responsibilities and rather than managing my stress, I want him to take care of it. I tried to talk to him about it and he said he’d start helping out around the house, but he hasn’t done anything yet.  It makes me angry, but I know I need to step up and take care of myself.   Even though I feel like I should be able to rely on him, I can only rely on myself.  I think that’s what is upsetting me the most.    I feel alone.

Rather than wallowing in self pity or being a martyr any longer, I’m going to start taking care of things.    I think that will boost my confidence and eliminate some stress.  That is what I need to focus on.  Once I quit allowing myself to be a victim, I think I’ll feel better physically and mentally.